Hmmmm A Decision

SO after much thought, I have decided to quit using "code" names on my blog. I originally did this to protect our families privacy from certain persons that I didn't want searching for us. BUT I've come to the conclusion that I have nothing to hide. God has blesses me with my amazing husband Chris, my beautiful daughters, Cydney, Lilly and Bella and I no longer feel that I need to hide who WE are because of other people. SO from here on Hubby, Sweet Pea, Moo and Baby Girl will be names of the past :)

Ok. So not exactly what i WANTED to hear..

Today was definitely not the day I was hoping for. I was trying not to get my hopes up for much on the way to the doctors today but there is always that part of you deep down that is hoping for what you want to hear.

First at the Cardiologist he told me that I def have some sort of weird arrhythmia. It was kind of hard to grasp what he was saying but basically my heart rate was going into the 130's/150's during these "episodes" I was having that they recorded. Some were def stress/contraction induced and some were from a "different" part of the heart he said that weren't really caused for any real reason. He called my OB and they consulted together and decided to hold off on medication for the time being. That MOST likely this is something that was pregnancy induced. They will continue to watch and monitor me closely and the cardiologist wants to see me back after the baby is born to rule out anything else going on post partum.

Now for the lovely OB visit ;).. We started by talking about what the cardiologist had to say. She reassured me that I will have the best possible care should something start going odd during labor. THEN we started talking about baby's size etc. Baby Girl is now measuring alot bigger. She felt around alot and said "Yeah.. This isn't a 6lb baby". She thinks that she is probably already close to 8lbs. I asked her about being induced this week and after my exam she told me that I'm no longer favorable for an induction. Because of the baby's position (posterior-face up) she is literally pulling my cervix up and I've actually decreased in dilation/effacement since last week. I just about wanted to cry when she told me this. I had previously talked about how I really wanted to TRY to have her natural and she warned me about how its a very high risk because of my narrow birth canal for both of us. Shoulder Dysplasia, Asphyxiation and Death being some of the risks. And that if we proceeded w/ an induction she had to warn me about these things. That was all before my exam however. Being that baby IS Posterior that also poses problems for an induction and vaginal birth. It is hard for her head to descend properly into the birth canal so it could cause cord prolapse if and when my water were to break. Let alone a longer and more painful labor.

Basically long story short (ok not really that short! lol ) she said we have a week to talk about and decide what we feel comfortable with. She was going to talk to my two other doctors and get their opinions on the whole situation. She really feels that at this point when you consider ALL the factors (My heart, Her Size etc..) that a c-section is the best and SAFEST solution for everyone. She said that they would want to do this between 38/39 weeks. Which would be sometime between the 17th and 24th.

Hubby and I spent a long time talking about it today since we've been home. And through many tears we've decided that we also agree this is probably the best solution for both me and baby girl. I've really struggled with it and have been really down about it. I don't really know why. This whole pregnancy has been a roller coaster ride. Just when I feel like something is looking up.. something else happens to discourage me. I know that this is a learning experience. I KNOW that God is going to protect us and not give me more than I can handle... But today just felt like a breaking point. I just can't seem to stop crying! The whole idea scares me, even though I know its a very common thing that people have done EVERY day! And I've had alot more extensive surgeries in the past!

So just please keep me in your prayers! I know that I'm going to look back at all of this in a few months and the whole thing will seem so distant and WORTH it! I know that things never turn out the way we planned or necessarily WANT them to.. I've shared this with alot of people lately.. That I can look back to SO many things lately in my life and see how God was working and it was ALL part of His plan even though I didn't see it at the time! I know this is another one of those things that is all part of God's infinite plan... And I can't wait to see what else he has in store for me :)

Update on My Tests!

Finally some answers! After I never heard anything from the doctors office Friday afternoon... And having a rather crappy weekend; I called first thing Monday morning in to my doctors office. I spoke w/ a nurse practitioner and she called the Doctor who wanted me to come in for more tests. So hubby, Moo and I packed up and went back to the hospital yesterday morning.

They hooked me up again and ordered another EKG, Echo cardiogram (ultrasound of my heart), chest xray's and more blood tests. I was again having contractions and my heart rate was high again. Esp when having a contraction. I was there a good portion of the day, Daddy came and stayed with me when Hubby had to go pick up Sweet Pea from school. They wouldn't let me eat lunch while I was there in case they had to run more tests, so that was really nice of them. The nurse finally asked me if I wanted to try some oxygen for my heart rate/shortness of breath. I accepted and my heart rate immediately dropped down to a normal level. High 70's/low 80's! It felt so good!

After waiting quite a while the nurse came back and told me that all my tests seemed fine. The doctor was sending me home on limited activity and that if I was still bothered by the shortness of breath/fast HR, To follow up with my Primary Care Physician! I was pretty irritated. Pretty much any question I asked her was followed by "You should probably just follow up with your PCP". She tried to tell me that maybe it was my "asthma". Um NO!! I know when I'm having an asthma attack.. This is NOT it! But as far as they were concerned, since the baby is fine they'd done all they could from their standpoint. So I was pretty upset, and Dad took me home. By the time I got home my HR was back up to 109. So I decided to call the PCP then rather than waiting for the next day.

I talked to the nurse practitioner at my PCP and she was great. She was able to squeeze me in that evening so I went right in to see my doctor. She was able to go over all my tests and talk to me about them. Apparently my blood showed that I'm severely anemic and lacking protein/sodium in my system. Basically the baby is taking ALL my nutrients right now leaving me w/ not a whole lot! I haven't had much of an appetite these few weeks because of heartburn/lack of space, so I haven't been eating ENOUGH for the both of us. Apparently all these factors can cause me to feel so awful and speed up my hear beat! She also dipped my urine and what do you know, I also have a bladder infection! So she sent me home with orders to start drinking Ensure (YUCK!), eating more protein, taking iron, and Anti-biotics. She wants me to call her in a couple days if I'm not feeling somewhat better!

I'm thankful to have answers. I'm thankful nothing serious is wrong with my heart! I'm also very frustrated that the hospital seemed so quick to jump to such BIG, EXPENSIVE tests before testing the simple things. They never even got a urine sample from me! That right there makes me angry! At this stage in my pregnancy, A UTI can cause pre-term labor and even your water to break, as happened to a friend of mine at 34 weeks! You would think that would have been the FIRST thing they checked! I'm not really thrilled to be getting a huge hospital bill for something that could have been solved very simply. But such is life I guess and I am so thankful that baby girl is healthy and it was nothing TOO serious!! I just need to take better care of myself and listen to my body for the next few weeks! Thanks for all your prayers!!

So Truly Blessed!!

Saturday I had my Baby Shower!! Bestie flew in Thursday night for the event! I feel so completely blessed to have such amazing people in my life. Bestie worked SO hard and I'm so grateful for everything she was willing to do from ARIZONA! I wish I could express to everyone involved how much I truly appreciate and am thankful for all that they did! It was just completely overwhelming! Anyways, I have LOTS of pictures to share so I'll make this short! Thanks again to everyone but Especially Kristi, Jill and Missa!! I love you!

32 Weeks!



Getting Ready for my 3-D Ultrasound!! We found a mobile service that CAME to the shower!

Baby Girl making her Big Screen Debut!

Trying to get the stubborn girl to move and stop sucking her thumb so we could SEE her face!!

Yay! Presents!

Sweet Pea- Big Sister #1

Moo- Big Sister #2!

Yay! "Skull Candy" Goodmama Diaper!

Stevie Lynn and I

We're Due 1 day apart!

Court and I

BESTIE and I!

Wifey and I

Jill and I

I LOVE my girls!

and I Love Him...



Our Family- The 5 of Us

I love my Family!

Sissy In Law and I!


AND Last but not Least.... Meet My Baby Girl!!


Thanks again to Everyone for Making this such an amazing experience for me!!

Beyond Measure

I noticed that my "Parade of Dreams" song was no longer working on my page.. So I thought it was time to put up a new song! I thought I would put up a couple songs that mean alot to me. "My Savior my God" by Aaron Shust, I previously shared about this song here. "Indescribable" by Chris Tomlin and "Beyond Measure" by Jeremy Camp.

I fell in love with Jeremy Camp's music back in July of 03' when I heard him sing at Spirit West Coast. Back then he was just starting out, in fact he was was one of the first show's in the morning! Now he is one of the leading artist's in Christian music today! He shared his testimony about losing his wife to Cancer, and the song he'd written about his time dealing w/ that. "I Still Believe" got me through alot of hard times. In 2006 my father in law passed away from Brain Cancer. After his death.. Desperate to do something for my grieving husband, I bought him Jeremy Camp's new album entitled "Beyond Measure". I didn't know at the time how much those words would impact my life. I just knew that Jeremy Camp had a way of expressing so much emotion and worship through his music that I hoped Hubby could get some comfort from this CD.

I had no clue that 2 years later this would be one of my favorite albums because of the title track! In this song Jeremy Camp reflects on his personal journey and thanks God for his many blessings. He has gone through experiences of love, loss, and restoration. I've struggled alot w/ why Papa was taken from us, from Hubby, from our kids, but it's funny how sometimes we really do need the "fog to clear" to see how through those tragedies come faith and blessings. I love listening to this song... Because it reminds me that no matter WHAT we go through... God has a hand in it.. And despite the tragedy, God still blesses us above what we deserve. I don't know why He blesses me the way he does. I am nothing.. I don't deserve ANY of it. He has blessed me with a loving Godly husband, beautiful children and another amazing blessing on the way. I am so thankful for that! He TRULY has given me BEYOND MEASURE!

I like to read and think about lyrics to songs so I thought I would share these lyrics with you :)

"Beyond Measure"

The fog has finally cleared to see,The beautiful life you've given me

To feel the breeze of my newborn's gentle breath

With one to walk hand in hand, To share this life that you have planned

It's like a storybook with dreams that are meant to see.

Every next step is an extraordinary scene

[CHORUS] I know that I've been, Given more than beyond measure,

I come alive when, I see beyond my fears

I know that I've been, given more than earthly treasure,

I come alive when

I've broken down and given you control.

I've faced a great tragedy,

But have seen the works of what you bring

A display of faith that you give,

I don't know if I will ever understand

The depth of what it is you've done inside,

But I know I won't find any worth apart from you

[CHORUS] I know that I've been, Given more than beyond measure,
I come alive when, I see beyond my fears
I know that I've been, given more than earthly treasure,
I come alive when
I've broken down and given you control.

Everything that I have

Has been given so unselfishly

And shown that even when I don't deserve

You always show the fullness of your love

Sweet Pea and her Papa- 8/18/02

What the cool kids did August 1rst

On August 2nd.. The 4th book in the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn came out. So in true book nerd fashion some friends and I decided to go to the midnight release at Barnes n Noble!

Hubby made us an awesome design that I ironed onto black t-shirts for the girls! All 8 of us met up at my house around 7:30 with our matching shirts and headed to Jack's Urban Eats for dinner. We immediately got comments on our shirts! lol The party didn't start until 10pm. So we killed some time at Nordstrom Rack and Starbucks.

The party was called "Midnight Prom"... needless to say we saw some INTERESTING people!! We had a blast hanging out, pestering a manager named Steve for buttons, stickers, and bracelets. Court and I painted our nails black in true "vampire" style. lol Around 11 we all got in line and laid around an aisle waiting for our turn to buy the book. We had alot of fun reading random books and just hanging out. At 12:01 the book went on sale. Court was the first to make her purchase! We were only about 5 people from the front so that was great! Everyone cheered and it was so much fun! We lined up outside for a picture with our books and then went home. People took turns reading the first chapter out loud in the car on the way home.

I only stayed up till about 2:15 am reading. Haha. I DID finish the book by Sunday night though. So bittersweet! I dont want it to end! I'm in the process of re-reading now! If you haven't read these books... They're highly addicting! Check them out! It was SO great to have a girls night! I had so much fun hanging out and being silly with my girlfriend! Love you guys!



Sarah, Court, Sydney, Amanda, Missa, Me, Katie and Emmy :)

Church Camp

Well what can I say? I had a great week at Church Camp this week!

Our church goes with Faith MBC, Concord up to Mt. Gilead for a week every year. I've grown up going to this camp, My first year was in 1989 when I was 7. I've missed a few years along the way but for the most part I've been going for 19 years! Its a beautiful facility and so peaceful.

I have to admit I had somewhat of a negative/bad attitude going into the week. Stress that I was letting affect me. People and their actions. Getting ready is always stressful. I know that Satan tries to really throw a wrench into things and doesn't WANT us to have a good week. I tried to put all of that behind me as I got up there. In the past I've always been really annoyed that I don't have cell service and wouldn't be able to check my email while I was there. I usually would find some excuse to go into "town" so I could do all this, make some phone calls... check my myspace. haha. But this year was SO different, I didn't WANT to leave. I wanted to be there. Everything else could wait.

As I've shared before, last year at camp I was saved. I realized that I had made a false profession when I was 7 and I finally had the guts to talk to Hubby and my pastor about it after the last service at camp last year. I realized that all the doubt I had my entire life was real.. That I had never made a TRUE profession of faith. I had never truly asked Christ into my Heart. All I remembered from that experience when I was 7 was my mom praying for me at our kitchen table. So I prayed for myself, and asked Christ into my heart and I immediately felt 100 times better. Everyone was so supportive and so happy. It was just great!

So this year at camp was truly a new experience for me. As the past year has been as well! Our theme was "Choose to Lose" and our theme verse was Luke 9:24 "If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it."

Bro. Rodney Burdette, Missionary to Thailand was our speaker for the week. He truly has an amazing testimony and was an awesome speaker. Pastor Bob was my teacher for the week and we talked about worship, which also was an awesome topic. Hubby taught the High School class. And as much as I miss him being in the young adult class with me, I know he is being used where God wants him.

This was a BIG week for my Sweet Pea! Hubby and I had discussed earlier that we thought camp would be a good opportunity for her to practice some responsibility and learn to be a bit independent. Being such a small, controlled, safe environment we thought it was perfect for this. So during free time in the afternoons, she got to carry her own walkie talkie and pretty much do what she wanted. She spent the majority of the time hanging out w/ her crush, Adam (he's 8) and his brother Zac (10). She's been smitten by this boy since she was 2... we call him her church camp love. haha. (for those of you that have been to our house, he is the little boy in the charcoal drawing we have of her over our fireplace kissing her on the cheek) Her favorite thing to do this week was the Zip line and the Rock Wall! My big girl! She also enjoyed going into an older class this year for 6-8 year old girls. I just just can't believe how much she is growing up!

Moo had a good week as well. She has a little trouble sometimes that she is the "little sister" and doesn't get to do everything that Sweet Pea does. But she still had a good time! She also went on the Zip line!!! I was freaking out! She just seemed TOO little to be doing that! But she LOVED it and went on it twice! She wouldn't even let Chris walk up there with her!

Campfire is probably one of my favorite things about camp. We were split up into two teams this year, Green and Silver. They separated us by using a mixer game that grouped us by our birthdays. Then they split us down the middle. Moo ended up on the Green team, and the rest of us were on Silver. She loved that as well! The first night Hubby ended up being in a game that required him to shave a mohawk! It was the "oldest person on your team willing to get a mohawk"... He was older than the other guy willing so that was that! They were gracious enough to let me do it! I think he rocked it personally! ;) We had some great songs and games. It was just a blast as it usually is! Silver team ended up winning! Whoo hoo!

All in all it was a great experience. 9 people were saved and 4 of them came with us! . I have a renewed spirit. Those who went grew alot closer. I feel so blessed that God has placed us where we are. We had a great spirit of worship and I hope that our excitement spreads to our church and that our excitement continues!

Check out ALL of our pictures HERE and also HERE!!

Who is Jesus?

This might be a long one ;)

So as a background for some of you, Hubby is the Youth Pastor at our church. Every Thursday night we have a youth service called TNL (Thursday night live). Its basically for Jr. High-Whoever wants to come!

I haven't been going the last few weeks. Partly because I've felt horrible. Partly because I haven't had the energy or really the desire to. I wasn't really planning on going last night either. I'd been out all day with Nanelle, an old friend from where we used to live. It was was a really nice day. The girlies had a great time playing with her daughter. We went to Lunch and Target and then hung out. So even though it was a good day.. I was tired in the evening and knew that I didn't really "have" to go to TNL if I didn't want to. So next thing you know, Sweet Pea comes out and starts telling me how much she wants to go to TNL and how she misses going to TNL, "Can we PLEEEAASSEE go to TNL?". Sigh... Of course my child makes me feel guilty. So i pack them up and head over, fully intending not to stay for the whole time. Just stay for music and come home. Well I get over there and learn from Hubby that they aren't doing music this week. So the girlies were bummed and I 1/2 wanted to just come home. But somewhat against my will I decided to stay.

So we make our circle and the lesson was on "Who is Jesus?". A video was shown of a guy walking around the streets asking complete strangers "Who is Jesus?". Some of the answers were so sad. We are truly living in a world that does not accept Jesus for who he is. We were challenged by the same question. "Who is Jesus?". Not our typical "Sunday School", "Bible" answer... but who is Jesus TO US!
Matthew 16:13-17 (New Living Translation)
13 When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?”
14 “Well,” they replied, “some say John the Baptist, some say Elijah, and others say Jeremiah or one of the other prophets.”
15 Then he asked them, “But who do you say I am?”
16 Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”
17 Jesus replied, “You are blessed, Simon son of John, because my Father in heaven has revealed this to you. You did not learn this from any human being.

Everyone started sharing their "Jesus Stories". Some said He was their saving grace, some said that He was their best friend. They all shared examples of their experiences. Hubby talked about how sometimes we really treat Him like the "Best Friend"... the one that sometimes we get too busy for.. but when something goes wrong we always know that He will be there for us.. no matter what.

Hubby shared his Jesus story, How Jesus was there for him to cry out to when his dad, Papa, was dying. Court shared her Jesus story. How He was her saving grace when her gpa was passing and was stuck in that moment where he would be better in God's care and she didn't understand. She quoted a song by Aaron Shust , "My Savior, My God". It Says: "I am not skilled to understand What God has willed, what God has planned". We sing this song allot at TNL. I have sang this song. I don't think I ever truly experienced the lyrics until she quoted them in tears last night.

It really made me start thinking.... What is my Jesus Story? WHO is Jesus to ME? I've grown up in church. I KNOW all the right answers. But the past year has been completely different for me because last year at church camp was when I truly accepted Christ as my Savior. Its been a year of learning more than I have in my entire life. Experiencing things from a completely different point of view. I don't know that I've ever TRULY experienced MY Jesus story. I know that He was there for me through many different things... but I don't know that I ever really grasped onto Him before. I think I probably said that I did.

There have been SO many things that have happened in the past few years that I've questioned God. That I DON'T understand WHY things have happened. Some are too personal to even mention on here. Its made me angry at God. Its made me question why things happen. I know my God is a God of Love, So why do these awful things happen? Why am I facing something horribly wrong with the Child I am carrying inside of me?! Why don't I understand all of this!?

Then last night as Court said those words.. it hit me... "I am not skilled to understand What God has willed, what God has planned". I may not understand why things happen, but that's okay.. It's what I do with it! Its how I trust in God. THIS will be my Jesus story. We don't always understand things when we are in the Midst of them. Its how I hold onto my BEST FRIEND... Even If I'm still learning how.... and I am.

What's in a Song?

They say that "Music has the power to cause emotions to well up within us. These feelings are gripping - often irresistible - and seem to emerge from nowhere. These feelings colour our moods, affect our perceptions and generate a behavioural pattern. The indisputable fact about music is its power to evoke emotions. Is there anyone, for whom, music is completely emotional - neutral? Music has the ability to inevitably tap the still, mysterious deep well of our emotions."

I chose a song to put on my blog this evening. Its from the "Parade of Dreams" at Disneyland. Now those of you that really know me, know that I absolutely adore anything Disney... I'm a fanatic by some definitions! I know that not allot of people "get it" but my love for Disney started when I was a little girl. My grandma loved Disney and Disneyland and we used to always talk and share about it. We always watched our favorite Disney movies together. So long story short... my obsession as a little girl... has grown into an obsession as a BIG girl!

I chose this song because it has so many "emotions" for me when I hear it. It IS everything Disneyland to me. I've shared SO many wonderful memories with people there. With my Daddy, With my Hubby, With my Girlies, With "loved ones now departed" , With my "Wifey", With my Bestie, and with MANY other people that are special to me. To ME, Disneyland is not chaos. No matter how busy it is.. I enjoy just BEING there. I could not ride a single ride and be totally happy. It really IS the most "beautiful, peaceful place" to me! It is a place to see friends.. its a place to watch pure JOY on the face of my children! So that is why I chose this song for my blog... Because it IS me... So, Welcome to My Family Time! Turn your sound up and share in something that makes me happy :)

Welcome

VERSE 1

Theres nothing complicated

About the way we live

We're all here for each other

Happy to give

All we have,

we share

And all us we care

So come on

CHORUS

Welcome to our family time

Welcome to our brotherly time

This is a festival

You know 'em best of all

We're here to share it all

VERSE 2

Theres a bond between us

Nobody can explain

Its a celebration of life

We see friends again

I'll be there for you

I know you'd be there for me

So come on

CHORUS

Welcome to our family time

Welcome to brotherly time

This is a festival

You know 'em best of all

We're here to share it all

BRIDGE

Remembering love ones departed

Someone dear to your heart

Finding love, planning a future

Telling stories and laughing with friends

Precious moments you'll never forget

This has to be

The most beautiful

The most peaceful place

I've ever been to

Its nothing like I've ever seen before

CHORUS

Welcome to our family time

Welcome to brotherly time

We're happy giving' and taking' with the friends were making'

Theres nothing we wont do

Welcome to our family time

Welcome to happy to be time

This is a festival

You know 'em best of all

We're here to share it all